I am going offline, everyone!!!
Hello,
Yesterday, I finished work, started cooking, ate dinner and cleaned the kitchen. After talking to my mom on the phone, I did what I like to do sometimes, and namely, to turn off the wifi on my phone. The plan is to not be glued to my phone all evening and to try to do other things like reading, studying, listening to downloaded music, or even cleaning. If I need to use the internet for some reason, then I would have to do it on my laptop.
Whenever I turn off the wifi on my phone, I feel somewhat relieved. I can only access what is downloaded onto my phone, and even muscle memory is useless here. I have not gotten used to mindlessly turning the wifi back on, so we're good for now.
Doing this feels like turning off my computer back in the day or just completely closing the Yahoo Messenger app program; you simply feel like you are back in control of your life and can focus on something else for a while or simply sit around reflecting. It feels a little intimate, too. No one is aware of you anymore, you are not getting any news from anyone. This time is yours and yours only.
Normally, before I do this, I tell my internet friends, that I am currently chatting with, - some of whom I have met numerous times in real life or are related to me lol -, that I am going offline "for the evening." This time, however, I did not, and it felt so weird. It was as if I had to announce to the world that I would be gone for the rest of the day.
I feel like back in the day, we would actually just sit around and talk for real. Nowadays, people kind of just text each other in between doing things, and it's very rare that both parties of the conversation are sitting there solely for the purpose of talking to each other. It seems to me as though conversations have become asynchronous, fast e-mails, if you will. I text you something when I have time, you reply while pooping or when you're being distracted by something, and I say something later after my nap. We never just think to ourselves "ok, I want to spend 30 mins and talk to my friend and do nothing else."
Because of this, I told myself that I had no reason to announce to anyone that I was going to be offline as I was not engaged in any active conversation. I still couldn't shake this feeling that I had to somehow make it official or check all my messenger apps and notifications before going offline, "just to be sure." The people who need me the most and I can help the most have my phone number and can call me if there is any emergency.
It took me a few minutes to feel normal again and just go about the rest of my evening. I also wonder if social media played a role in inducing this anxiety in me because I remember wondering if something I commented on or posted about was a bad idea, and being anxious about the comments I would see on it later. Thankfully, I don't post anywhere anymore, except here, where, hopefully, no one really knows me, except the people I chose to share this with.
Anyway, as a heads up, I WILL BE GOING OFFLINE for the rest of the evening. It is not even that late. It is 6:35pm! Sooo... talk tomorrow I guess!