sign of life and random brainstorming maybe
Hello,
I am still here. I am doing pretty well, tho. I do have ideas on what to write about, but I have just not gotten to it. Here's what's been going on through my head recently:
- Visiting my hometown in my home country, feeling like I own the streets, coming back to Germany, feeling the same and then feeling weird about it. I believe that, subconsciously, I'm still trying to be the good well-behaved assimilated person in order to prove that I have a right to be here or something. I know it's silly.
- Some German "mindset" I want to adopt. Germans strike me as super laid back people sometimes that kind of "accept their fate" and deal with it instead of complaining and speculating about it endlessly first. One extreme example I can think of is this guy who found out he has testicular cancer. He said that if the doctors had checked for it even the third time he went to the doctor, maybe he would be in a better position now. I am sure he was not indifferent when he found out he had cancer and that it must have also been devastating, however instead of lamenting over what could be or could have been, he said he is focusing on treatment and what needs to be done to become cancer-free. Another less extreme example would be this guy walking through rain because "I suppose, I am the one who chose to go out today, so I gotta get wet" without complaining about it too much. I'd probably complain about the rain until it stopped. Germans do love complaining, but I feel like it's about things they cannot control or they didn't choose.
- Feeling like the German language is taking over my brain. Recently, I've happened to be consuming a lot more media in German than usual, so my brain just wants to use German words and phrases. It also doesn't help that my boyfriend is becoming better at German and I can just speak to him in whatever language I want. I try to stick to just one language in a conversation, but sometimes when I ask him how to say something in English, he can't think of it either, anymore. I thought that being in a relationship with a native English speaker would make my English sound poetic and beautiful, but instead, we both are getting germanized and losing the ability to speak our native languages properly.
- Something about slowly adapting to a slightly worse situation until you are in a situation that even two years ago you would have said that you would have never put up with it.
- Reading more! I have a plan now. I have a book on my phone and a physical book! It is kind of working.
- dunno.. I should go to bed. It's midnight. Good night.